I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
