so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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