He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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