I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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