Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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