his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
