This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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