My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize