Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
