my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
