NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
