I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
