What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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