so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
