It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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