new low.... made out with someone while peeing
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Drake has all the answers
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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