i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
