I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
