If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
