That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Welp...herpes.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
