vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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