If i come over, it means nothing
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
