it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
