I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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