told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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