God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We got so high we made milksteak
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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