the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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