i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
