My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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