How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
