watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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