It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
