to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
