man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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