Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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