On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
