u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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