try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
