so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
