I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
her facebook's as public as her vagina
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
