do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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