My cat gives me a boner
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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