I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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