toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
