OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Why is your signature on my underwear?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
