walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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