she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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