He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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