The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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