I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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