This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Boobs are out for the taking
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
