There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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