so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
