is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
