How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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