So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
