I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
