So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
