Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
