you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
