never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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