We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
