EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
