I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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