i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
