Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
time to smoke my breakfast
I am midnight drunk by noon
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
