apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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