I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
