Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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