But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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